Thursday, December 13, 2007
#11 happily never after
when the world crumbled into pieces right before my eyes, the debris struck me at the back of my head, causing me to fall flat and unconscious. i'm immobilized for awhile. the world now to me is pitch black, as numb as i could be, i have no idea why do i still feel the pain.
i would think that tomorrow might be a better day, but i'm living each day so miserably. like a child, i wish i wasnt disappointed. i wish i never knew how is it like to feel hurt. there are just so much feelings waiting impatiently to be spilled.
i spoke to god, i told him how painful i m in my interrupted sleep. he stood there saying nothing. i found myself crawling towards him with that huge debris still on my back. my blood flows faster den the rapids from the river. i couldnt care less. i can only hear myself calling out to him, "save me... save me... please... save me..." he doesnt seem to hear me. i cried hard, i called out louder. i stretched my hands hoping he can lift me up from where i was. but all i can feel is just the air... the cold lonely air.
is this hell? it certainly felt so. repent... repent... but what have i done to bring me here? am i in a state of depression? if not... why am i feeling so? if love is the power to everything... why am i feeling powerless now? you said you love me. you said you do. what must i do to be in ur new world? what can i say to make you love me once again.
ouch... the pain in my heart is immense. i have noone to turn to. all i ever wanted is to be happy. all i ever wanted is to love. its real. why cant you see.
all i m... here crying to myself. all i wish is for you to be here for me... telling me that everything would be fine. to tell me that you love me.
i just wan a simple, happy self.
i would think that tomorrow might be a better day, but i'm living each day so miserably. like a child, i wish i wasnt disappointed. i wish i never knew how is it like to feel hurt. there are just so much feelings waiting impatiently to be spilled.
i spoke to god, i told him how painful i m in my interrupted sleep. he stood there saying nothing. i found myself crawling towards him with that huge debris still on my back. my blood flows faster den the rapids from the river. i couldnt care less. i can only hear myself calling out to him, "save me... save me... please... save me..." he doesnt seem to hear me. i cried hard, i called out louder. i stretched my hands hoping he can lift me up from where i was. but all i can feel is just the air... the cold lonely air.
is this hell? it certainly felt so. repent... repent... but what have i done to bring me here? am i in a state of depression? if not... why am i feeling so? if love is the power to everything... why am i feeling powerless now? you said you love me. you said you do. what must i do to be in ur new world? what can i say to make you love me once again.
ouch... the pain in my heart is immense. i have noone to turn to. all i ever wanted is to be happy. all i ever wanted is to love. its real. why cant you see.
all i m... here crying to myself. all i wish is for you to be here for me... telling me that everything would be fine. to tell me that you love me.
i just wan a simple, happy self.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
#10 The closest thing to crazy
my heart beats to the closest beat that is close to crazy. tears pounding like raindrops pouring down from heaven. every tinge of smell in the air means loneliness. i wish i am dead.
i prayed hard day and night... praying for something that god himself may not have intended for it to exist. oh boy... i can speak nothing... think nothing of anything now except pain.
it hurts so much... and i'm so miserable.
i wish i am dead.
i prayed hard day and night... praying for something that god himself may not have intended for it to exist. oh boy... i can speak nothing... think nothing of anything now except pain.
it hurts so much... and i'm so miserable.
i wish i am dead.
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