#9 ermmm.

just came across mike's msn nick saying "every fucking day is a fucking bad day". and i was relating that to my very own life. is everyday in my life really that bad? or is it just a phase that have screened all the other good times that i had before. it makes me wonder so much of what has happened lately.

i have spoken to a couple of my better frens and they simply told me that i should just move on. they can sense the burden that i carry, the pain that is going on within myself. when i look into the mirror each time, i could see how wearied i am. what has become of me? i wished i haven had those thoughts that are all just about my miseries, of cos not, i'm not that miserable. i'm very appreciative that there are couple of good frens around me who had been lending me their listening ears. its just that some other times, when i used to think back on the decisions we have made in life, i just couldn't help but to feel dismayed.

caught something on daily bread a couple of days ago saying how pple would run away from their problems like a child watching horror movies. i wished i am just a child and everything else now is just part of the horror movie.

the amount of disappointment i have for myself, as much as those that others have given me, weighs me. my cell leader told me that i could rest my burden with god and i really wish i could. i m trying. despite all, i know this experience is part of a greater plan. i will emerge stronger like how i had been before.

but as for now... i m speechless. like tt lost child who needs a sense of belonging, in search of a direction.